
Where Did The News Go? | Andy Borowitz
Episode 2 | 4m 29sVideo has Closed Captions
We hear a lot about fake news, but Andy Borowitz examines another horrible tend: no news.
We hear a lot about fake news these days, but New Yorker magazine humorist Andy Borowitz wants to talk about another widespread phenomenon: no news. Every day on TV we’re assaulted with the empty news calories, the Pringles potato chips of news. But who was the evil genius behind this maddening trend?

Where Did The News Go? | Andy Borowitz
Episode 2 | 4m 29sVideo has Closed Captions
We hear a lot about fake news these days, but New Yorker magazine humorist Andy Borowitz wants to talk about another widespread phenomenon: no news. Every day on TV we’re assaulted with the empty news calories, the Pringles potato chips of news. But who was the evil genius behind this maddening trend?
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Learn Moreabout PBS online sponsorship- We're coming up on the 40th anniversary of the first 24 hours news network.
So, today, let's celebrate the Peabody Award winning journalist who's had more impact on the news industry than anyone else.
- Scarface Al Capone may have built it and nobody knows what's in it.
Some say money.
(laser sounds) Some say bodies.
(laser sounds) Some say it's booby-trapped.
(laser sounds) It may be Scarface Al Capone's biggest secret.
And we'll open it on live television.
- [Host] In 1986, Geraldo Rivera changed the course of history.
He promised viewers a look at the contents of a vault that might or might not have been Al Capone's.
- Who knows?
I don't.
- [Host] Geraldo was prepared to knock America's socks off.
A task so simple this was the sponsor.
- [TV Show Announcer] Brought to you by Nice 'n Easy.
- [Host] After 2 hours of explosions - We're gonna blow that wall.
(Geraldo laughing) - [Host] and searching.
- That may be significant, we don't know.
- [Host] All under the expert management of Geraldo.
(short air horn blasts) It was time for the big reveal.
- Well, we began opening this vault nearly two hours ago.
We had no real idea what we'd find inside.
As it turns out, we haven't found very much.
(orchestral fanfare) - [Host] But Geraldo was mistaken.
He did find something in Al Capone's vault.
30 million viewers watched, making Geraldo's two hours of content free TV the highest rated syndicated special ever.
(orchestral fanfare) (Geraldo laughing) Like Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and the creator of the Snuggie, Geraldo hit upon a game changing invention that would save the news media effort and money.
Replace actual news with the possibility of news.
And with that, no-news was born.
(dramatic orchestral music) The first step was testing the waters with more primetime television specials.
- [Female Interviewee] What they saw, was not from this world.
- [Alien Autopsy Host] Alien Autopsy fact or fiction?
- [Male Interviewee] What we were looking at was a mermaid.
- [The Lost Tombs Host] Tonight, we may find a mummy.
- [Host] Millions of Americans tuned in to watch a fake alien, a fake mermaid, and a real Maury Povich.
It was time to send up a no-news trial balloon over an actual news channel.
- [Male News Anchor] It's one of the strangest things in the history of my television career is goin' down.
- [Host] With a story that seemed like real news but actually wasn't.
- I was really, really worried that - Say hi to Wolf.
He's Wolf.
- Hi.
- [CNN Host] Hi guys.
- Who the hell is Wolf?
- [Host] Yeah, who the hell is Wolf?
Find out in my new special Wolf Blitzer: fact or fiction.
No-news was taking off.
It's long, slow, tantric burn allowed news networks to kill air time.
Reporting that they were simply waiting for news to happen.
A move inspired by playwright Samuel Beckett.
But no-news had yet to pass its most daunting task.
In our tribal and divisive times could no-news be the one thing both conservative and liberal networks agree upon?
- Donald Trump's tax returns have surfaced.
We'll go through it next.
In just a second.
A full tax return for someone like Donald Trump would be a lot longer.
But this is all we've got.
All we've got.
- [Host] The big reveal that wasn't.
We can only imagine where Rachel Maddow got the idea.
(buzzer) - [Rachel Maddow] I remember watching it.
It was kind of a crazy, genius idea.
One very important and lasting lesson.
Hype works.
(dramatic news music) - [Host] There are many hard working journalists reporting in the Fourth Estate today.
- Let the networks know that it is cheaper and easier to provide 24 hour content that just feels like news.
- [Host] And since people don't want to pay to support journalism, - No-news now has the opportunity to reign supreme forever.
We can only hope that Geraldo finally appreciates just what he found in that vault.
- Tonight, we are live and finally going to uncover what is hidden inside Al Capone's vault.
(crowd cheering)